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Permalink Reply by Happy on December 20, 2011 at 1:04am

Start doing things around the house like planting a garden, either container or raised bed.  Do it yourself and he will come around.  My hubby did not take me seriously until this past summer when I made a new garden bed and planted using the square foot method and composted horse manure.  My neighbors would laugh saying that it wouldn't work because I was being unconvental by spending $20 inststead of thier way purchasing sevel hundred dollars worth of bag soil.  1 month later they were peeking through the fence asking how and what did I do....then opportunity knocked and my hubby said yes, because the time was right and he had to convence me to move far out into the country.  So if thing continue to fall in place then this summer we will move deep into the country.

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Permalink Reply by SELAH Farm on December 20, 2011 at 9:07am

In your husbands defense, maybe you did not hear exactly what he was saying about the place you found. He may have insights as to the unending amount of work that the house you were looking at would take to be livable.

I'd recommend that you both sit down together and watch "Food Inc." and also sometime sit down together and watch Tom Hanks in "The Money Pit" 

Maybe it is that he is not against farmsteading or hard work. It sounds to me more like he looked at that home there and saw it for the impossibility that it may be. 

Finally, DON"T GIVE UP!!!!

Communicate and work it out!

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Permalink Reply by Francesca on December 20, 2011 at 9:11am

Thank you Happy. I have a garden all planned out for this spring in my back yard. Raised beds and plant containers and chickens. I will keep to the plan no matter what.

I do wish he would see things the way I do. lol. This house I found is in disrepair and the owner would allow us to live in the house rent free for around 3 years if we do the work ourselves. And he might possibly do owner-financing and sell us the house. I don't think we'll ever get a better chance to get out of town. I have convinced my husband to go look at it in the daylight. I hope he lightens up a little.

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Permalink Reply by Karen Paro on December 20, 2011 at 9:35am

My husband wasn't really "into it" either until he found out how much better homegrown - both veggies & meat - tastes compaired to what you get in the stores. Now he's right there with me every step of the way and when the time is right he wants to buy acreage so we can have a big farm and be almost completely self-sufficient.

Right now we're still in the pay down some debt and rebuild our savings mode after he was unemployed for a year then took a $6 an hour hit in pay to get back to work, $6 doesn't sound like a lot but it adds up over the course of a week and it's really noticeable when it comes time to pay bills and feed a family of 5. We'll think we're finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel getting bills caught back up then car insurance  (we live in a manditory insurance state) and registrations come due and we're set back again.

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Permalink Reply by Francesca on December 20, 2011 at 11:30am

This is all great advice, and you all make good points. It's great to talk to people who have the same goals. =)

My family lived in this old house when I was a teenager and we had to do all the same repairs to the house before we moved in. I'm talking windows, floors, walls, ceilings, counter tops, appliances, wiring, plumbing, the whole works. I grew up repairing old houses. My mom and dad moved us kids around constantly. And every time we moved into a new place, there was work to be done. I don't want to move a lot, just once. My husband never had to repair or remodel a house. He doesn't want to do that much work to a place and I wish we could afford a place that didn't require so much work. But we have had some unexpected medical bills put on our credit in the past few years, so there's no way for us to get a loan. We've tried. I hate the place we live in now. There is so much traffic on my street that I can't let my kids play in the front yard. Everyday when I come home, I wonder if someone has broken into the house. Our cars get broken into constantly. Anything not chained and locked gets stolen. This place is not for me. I love the country and want to get back as fast as I can. We've lived in our house for going on 7 years and I'm at my wits end. This year's tax return will pay off all our outstanding debt. The only money we will owe afterward is our car payment. I have agreed to keep my full time job until the van is paid off and the repairs on the house are completed. And he has already said that he wants to keep working his normal job. So what do you think? Should I just let it go? Am I wrong for wanting to do so much work to a house before we can live in it? 

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Permalink Reply by SELAH Farm on December 20, 2011 at 1:49pm

Don't give up!

Just get to to where you are both together "on the same page." It may take baby steps to get to where you both want to be, but every little step will be worth it.

Francesca Shearer said:

So what do you think? Should I just let it go? 

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Permalink Reply by Francesca on December 20, 2011 at 2:00pm

Thanks. I won't. =)

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Permalink Reply by Cindy Watson on December 21, 2011 at 4:21pm

Don't let go of the dream! If you do, you may end up resenting your husband ;) When you go to look at the house, it might help to make a list of the repairs that YOU can handle yourself, so he'll see that it won't all be his responsibility. With your early experiences in home repair, you may be capable of a lot of work that he hasn't realized- has he ever seen you in action? If he's still not interested in this particular house/land, maybe try to work with him to set up some guidelines for what he would go for, then keep your search within those parameters. I've had to tailor my "farm dream" to accommodate my husband's lack of interest. He is definitely not interested in the work that comes with farmsteading, and not particularly sold on the benefits. (He works 50 hrs. a week outdoors already, so he enjoys his off time! And he's a nuggets-and-fries kinda guy.) He hasn't actually come right out and said "I won't do that!" but I know that this is "my thing" and not his, so I can't rightfully expect him to put a lot of effort into it. I'd trade my house in the suburbs for a farm any day, but I wouldn't trade my sweet, video-game-obsessed hubby for a farmer :) Unfortunately, we're stuck in an upside-down mortgage :( So I plan to just do what I can with my 1/8th acre yard and minimal assistance from him- it's amazing how much you can do in just a little space! I may not be able to raise enough pastured hens to sell the eggs at the farmer's market, but I can have a few to provide eggs for my family. Square foot gardening is supposed to be incredibly productive. And I've convinced hubby that beekeeping won't endanger our kids or get us kicked out of the neighborhood. I think Happy made a really good point- if you start doing it, he'll start taking you seriously. And even if he's not interested in it himself, he'll (hopefully) recognize that it's really important to you and be willing to compromise. In your situation, with an unsafe neighborhood and children, I would think that both of you would be on the same page as far as the importance of finding a new place. Hopefully by the time you're financially ready to move, he'll be on board and willing to work with you. Good luck!!!!

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Permalink Reply by Francesca on December 21, 2011 at 5:30pm

Thanks Cindy! I'm sorry to hear that your in the same boat as me. lol. He says he wants to live in the country, but it has yet to be seen. I thought I married a hill-billy, but it seems I'm a little old fashioned for him, as my sis-n-law sarcastically pointed out to him. =P For now I have a garden and chickens planned for the back yard. I think I'll throw in some rabbits. They reproduce... like rabbits, and can produce enough meat for the family to eat if all else fails. (Grocery store prices are ridiculously high these days!) We also love to hunt so we never have to buy meat from the store unless we want hormone-injected chicken. >.< In the meantime, I will continue to search for a great homestead in the country. Hopefully, my husband will come around one day soon. I truly appreciate all the support and advice! It helps more than you know. =)

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Permalink Reply by Deborah @ Antiquity Oaks on December 21, 2011 at 11:06pm

I agree with what has already been said. The taste of fresh, natural food wins over a lot of people!

If you're allowed to have chickens in your town, here is a plan for a movable chicken coop that was built by my daughter and a 18-year-old friend last summer with only a very small amount of help from my husband:

http://www.homegrownandhandmadethebook.com/2011/07/city-chicken-con...

Although my daughter had four hens in there, I think three would be better. But they'd easily give you a dozen eggs a week.

And you don't have to wait for spring to get started growing your own food. You can grow sprouts in your kitchen right now, as well as some herbs in pots.

Good luck! You can do it!

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Permalink Reply by Theresa Schieffelbein on December 22, 2011 at 12:31am

I was in the same boat for years.  I wanted a farm we could fix up, we settled on a "hobby" farm that was in pretty good shape.  I got some cows, just to eat the pasture.  Then I got a few chickens for eggs.  When the chickens got old I butchered them for soup.  I was given a few rabbits and learned to butcher them.  Point is that I began just doing my thing and never said a word.  We compromised on alot of the big things and I just kept doing what I could do myself.  I still can't build anything to save my soul but I just mention having to hire it done, or in a real state of desperation, start dragging out his more expensive tools and you wouldn't believe how fast he will help!  LOL  My hubby just let me do my thing and has gradually come around.  It has taken over 10 years to get him there and on many things he still is not on the same page.  Doesn't matter, I just keep doing what I do!  He has tv and his shop, I have my barn and farming magazines.  For some reason it works just fine.  Just do what you can do and let him see the contribution. 

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Permalink Reply by Francesca on December 22, 2011 at 12:08pm

My husband seems to have no actual vision of what he wants his life to be like. He has an old truck he's fixing up, and that is all he really has planned. He says he just wants to be happy and have fun. =) So I guess since he's so open, then I can insert my dream here. lol. I have a grand vision of what I want for myself and for my family. So I'm going to go for it with all my might. I will compromise with him over things like the TV, video games, and numerous other things. I will negotiate with him over the work to be done. But I will not give up my vision of a small farm in the country. =) I will have those animals. I will teach my kids how to be self-reliant so they have the skills they need to live on their own. And I will earn a living doing it. He will be happy when he sees the end of the means. Thanks for all the great support! =)It's such a relief to be able to talk these things out with people who understand why I want what I want!

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